Do I Have To Walk Through This Desert?

I’m sitting here quietly with a cup of coffee and my journal. Empty pages staring back at me, pleading to know my heart. It feels like words are stuck in my throat, my hand won’t move to allow the pen to write. I’m feeling everything but I think the escape from my heart is blocked.

Jesus promised He would never leave me but why do I feel so alone?

I open my Bible and His words are everywhere, promising me hope and a future. Reminding me to find my joy in His presence. Prodding me to keep on keeping on. But it’s like an avalanche has slidden down over my entire life, drowning the things I love in dirty rocky stubble. I don’t even know if I can find myself in this mess, let alone find Him too.

I will my hand to find words to put down on this empty piece of paper. All that comes out is w.i.l.d.e.r.n.e.s.s. It’s a desert I’m walking through, hot sun parching my skin and sand burning my feet. I realize my throat is scratchy, begging for water. My hands are groping for life, anything that will give me life.

Sometimes I grab the wrong things in my desperate search for life, and these things leave me more parched than before.

Finally, I cry out for Jesus. I hate to be honest but I finally admit to Him I don’t know where He is in this suffering. I don’t feel Him and I ask Him where He is?

Suddenly I feel His Presence, sitting right next to me. He lays His hand gently on my shoulder and calmly whispers these words. “I am here. I’ve been here all along. I won’t let you die in this desert. I promise to give you water in due time. You are becoming more lovely, please trust me.”